SuperFunBeth's Xanga

Hypocrite!!!!

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 10:59:40 GMT

"Who are you talking about, Beth?" you must be wondering. "What drama have you gotten yourself into this time? Who has stomped on your heart now?"

The answer may - or may not - surprise you.

It's me.
     Yes, me.
          The girl who said she didn't need a label.
               The girl who has a tattoo on her left ring finger, to remind her that she's committed to God before any boy.
                    The girl who pointed a finger and said, "You're being weird!"

                    I was being weird.
               I put my desire for the boy before my commitment to God.
          I had a label in mind, and was ready to do almost anything to get it.
     Yes, me.
So what do I plan to do about it?

I plan to remind myself that I only need friends. That God is in control. That if I only look at Him, I won't worry about what might be or what isn't. I want to focus on what IS. I seem to forget that quite easily.

I ask you to hold me to that.

Labels

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 01:33:32 GMT

(inspired by a chat with Simon)

     So have you ever realized how into labels we are? We aren't satisfied to just let things be. We have to know where we stand with people. Are we merely acquaintances? Are we pals? Are we as close as family? Are we ACTUALLY family? Are we best friends? Are we . . . have we decided what we are?
     A friend of mine asked me this evening why it was so difficult just to let things be. He was advising me in a specific situation. There's this guy I really like who probably isn't ready for a relationship right now, having just painfully come out of a very long and serious one.
     This guy is absolutely amazing, and he seems to think I'm pretty amazing, as well, but I've begun doubting lately. Not doubting how I feel about this guy . . . I've known how I've felt for a while. But doubting how this guy actually feels about me. It's possible that I am an "emotional stabilizer" (to use Simon's term) and that my role for now is to help this guy find a sense of normalcy in his recently-turned-upside-down world.
     But is that all I am to be? That's the possibility I have to be open to. And I've come to the realization that I am far more invested in what may not even exist than I had cared to acknowledge before.
     So, since ignorance can only be an excuse once, and now that I know what I'm doing, what decisions do I make from here?
     And, see, this is where I try to put labels on things. I posted a few blogs back about packing things up in boxes with labels on them. Well, you know what? Maybe not everything HAS a label. Maybe some things are just laying out, without labels. Maybe there just there to be. Maybe discovering them is part of the adventure.
     Maybe I should just know what my boundaries are, what my moral obligations are, and just experience life from there. Let go of needless inhibition and just LIVE.
     Maybe I should just throw away the box labeled "Things to Worry About" and just trust in God. If I get hurt, then it means I needed to learn something. But if my focus is on God, then there really is nothing to worry about. Just read Jeremiah 29:11.

Label THAT.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 01:09:15 GMT

In my heart . . .
     there is a desire to be needed
     there is a void to be filled
     there is the knowledge that my hope is in Christ alone
          Yet -
In my heart . . .
     I know I am precious to Him
     I know He alone is worthy of my focus
     I know His plans are perfect
          And still -
In my heart . . .
     I long to be loved by another
     I long to be a "party of two"
     I long to be filled with the knowledge that I am important to him
          But through it all
               I am confused
                    In my heart . . .

Monday, July 17, 2006

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 11:01:12 GMT

So I've been a little jealous when my friends have moved to New York or Hollywood to chase their dreams . . . so what am I doing? Next week, I will move to Nashville to chase mine.

I want to be a singer/song-writer/musician in the Christian genre.

I have a friend up there who wants to try to record some of my stuff . . . and I have an audition with a rock/country band with whose members I work, just to get started and get "out there."

To help me on my quest, I finally broke down and bought a five-string bass on Saturday. It's a Mexican Fender Jazz Bass, and it's purty. hehe My fingers are killing me right now from playing it at church yesterday, though. I got used to my Elixir Ployweb strings on my four-string, but these are Dean Markleys. They're much rougher on my delicate girl skin. haha!

Please keep me in your prayers, and know that, just by reading this, you have been prayed for. God bless you all!

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 21:56:47 GMT

***To those of you who fly or make reservations online:***

My brother, who is in the military, is getting married in PA next month. I had booked my flight on Wednesday, when we ALL thought they were getting married in Virginia Beach. As soon as I found out that their planner had a heart attack and hadn't made ANY of the preparations, and that the wedding was being moved to PA, I tried to change my flight reservations.

Orbitz.com said I would be charged an extra $227, on top of what I'd already paid, just to change the city. So I called and spoke with a representative with very poor English. I told her three times I wasn't trying to be rude, but I couldn't understand her, so could I please speak with someone else. She just continued to repeat herself, louder and louder. Finally, I asked for a supervisor, but even he couldn't help me. Or rather, he wouldn't. I could either pay $227 extra, or just fly into Norfolk, VA for the original price. Not very helpful at all.

So, then I called Northwest Airlines, who told me they would charge me only $207, in addition to what I'd already paid. I explained the situation to that lady, as well. She didn't care. I could either pay $207 extra, or fly into Norfolk, VA for the original price. Oh, I could cancel and there would be no fee, but I'd still be out that money that was charged to my credit card. Thanks!

It is very obvious that neither of these companies is very Patriotic. Neither cares that the family of a man fighting for our country is desperate to see his wedding, even though it's so far away. And whether you agree with Bush or not about this war, it's not the soldiers' faults, and we should still support them.

***I would like to urge you to share this with people about whom you care. Don't use Orbitz.com OR Northwest Airlines. You may regret it, if you do. I know I do.***

I hope you all have a wonderfully fun and safe holiday weekend!!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 02:01:41 GMT

Where's Beth!? What's happening with Beth!? We miss Beth!!!

Ok! Ok!! Geez! hehe

So, those medical issues I was telling you all about last post? I'm about to get into them. Be warned: they are very personal and very feminine. I'll understand if you stop reading now. Just comment to tell me hello.

************Guys might wanna sit this part out***************

     So I had been having a lot of pain near my right ovary, but I thought it was just the usual and it would go away. But it was the wrong time for it to hurt, so I paid attention. One Sunday, after playing bass for the praise band, I was hurting pretty badly . . . a LOT, actually, so I went to the ER.
     After 5 hours and many, many tests, they told me what I already knew: I had a cyst on my ovary. They said it was about the size of a golfball. No big deal, right?
     So, the next afternoon, I drove the 2 hours to Nashville for work. The next day, though I was in a ton of pain, I worked. I actually did my current job (staffing), AND my old job (bank teller) at the same time, which meant a lot more movement. By the end of the day, I just wanted to crash. I felt MISERABLE!
     So the next morning, I drove the two hours to drop the car back off at the rental place, plus another almost two hours to my "lady doctor," since I hadn't gotten a new one when I moved. He examined me and said it was the size of a grapefruit!! But he thought we might could just treat it with medication, and he'd see how we were progressing in a few days.
     It didn't work. I went in Monday afternoon and he was like, "Yeah, it's still not any smaller. We'll have to operate first thing tomorrow morning."
     Do you understand that gave me just a couple of hours to get things situated for me to be out of work?! I have no back-up. The other staffing coordinator for the region helped all that she could, but I still had TONS of duties getting not done!!
     The surgery was a success. He just went in and cut the wall of the cyst to let it drain, sewed me up and sent me home.
     Then, at the follow-up appointment, he showed me pictures from the surgery and pointed out that, while normal unteruses (uteri?) are smooth on the top, mine had a deformity - sort of a bump or a growth on it. He also mentioned I had irregular or inconsistent (some i - word) ovulation, so what all of this means is that I will have trouble conceiving once my husband and I start trying (no, still not married. Not even dating). Then, very casually, he added, "You'll probably just have to have a hysterectomy when you're 40."
     So I went home and cried with my mom for a couple of hours. Then came back to my apartment and moped around, feeling sorry for myself.

****Guys can come back in here****

But do you know what!? God changed my heart overnight!! He's still God!! He just takes worldly obstacles and uses them as a means of bringing self glory!! PLUS - as I mentioned, I'm not even dating right now, so why worry about such things NOW?? I mean, he didn't say I couldn't have children . . . he didn't even say I'd have difficulty carrying a baby!! So, you know what?! I've given it to Him. Sure, I still think about it occasionally and it gets me anxious, but ultimately, He's in control. And I know that.

Be blessed y'all!! (Yes, Catie, I SO stole your line!!) hehe

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Sat, 27 May 2006 22:13:36 GMT

Missed me??

Well, things are well. Met a guy who is a lot like the guy in my dream, but I'm not jumping to conclusions just yet . . .

Spending lots of time in Nashville . . . LOVING it there. Waiting for God to give me the green light to move there, but that hasn't happened yet.

Having some medical issues, so please pray for me. Thanks, y'all!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 23:23:28 GMT

Hey gang!!

So I've been doing Weight Watchers since January 5th. Today, at weigh-in, I found out that, not only did I lose 2.7 pounds this week, but I have reached my 10% goal!! It's a big deal to lose 10% of your initial body weight!! I only have about 60 to 70 more pounds to go!!

I can do this!!!

Friday, April 07, 2006

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 23:23:12 GMT

You are NOT going to believe this!!

I met him!! The man I'm going to marry!! The problem?

It was in my dream.

He has black, wavy hair and light eyes - blue or hazel, but light. He plays the guitar and he sings. He and I were leading a song at my church. I don't think we were leading worship, exactly, just the special song, it seems. He has his knees bent and bounces to the rhythm - kind of John Mayer-esque. The rest of the regular praise band was all there, too. It seemed like we didn't meet at church, but at a function we both HAD to attend, like for work maybe? He was really kind, caring and compassionate. He was tall - at least 6' -and lean. He was really passionate about whatever song we were doing, so that tells me he's on fire for Christ. He was fair-skinned, like me. I didn't notice any freckles.

I know this sounds crazy, but have you ever had a dream, and the feeling that the dream gives you is just so strong, that you know it wasn't just a dream!? This is not the first time it's happened to me, and this morning, when I was typing it to a dear friend and trying to explain it all -just the thought of it brought tears to my eyes.

I will wait for this man, whoever he is.

I just wish I knew his name!

Monday, April 03, 2006

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 14:58:26 GMT

My List

LOVES JESUS
Red hair, or at least blonde eyelashes and eyebrows
Plays the guitar and can sing a little (or a lot) and will write songs with me
Has a passion for young people and will work with me as a team to lead a youth group
Makes me feel safe
Comes from a close family
Is either a virgin or a recommitted virgin
Wants to be my leader and not my lord
Takes the lead, but respects my opinion
Will not ask me to lead, NOR let me if I try
Encourages my spiritual walk
Understands me
Understands the value of "eye conversations"
Has wisdom and/or discernment
Has a decent sense of fashion
Has a great sense of humor
Laughs at my jokes and appreciates their corniness
Is chivalrous
Is polite and respectful (Ma'am and Sir, etc)
Likes cats
Encourages me to try new things
Won't give up on me

Of course, these are what I want, and may not be what God wants FOR me. His will, not mine. His ways are higher than my ways, and I trust Him to bring me His best.
Know anyone this fits? hehe